MY BATTLE

I am aware of me and the darkness that surrounds me; there is no world outside. There is no control nor is there a need for the control of pain that wells up within me as I rehearse words of dread over and over in my mind. I exist in my moments of despair. I can see no light of day but then, I do not see what others do. My world is filled with only that which those before me have glimpsed during their moments. My thoughts remain locked within the depths of my soul, for from there once came my feelings of love and  joy and happiness and all things that were good. I feel a grieving from within the very depths of my soul .....

I am afraid!

I want to leave the depths of my despair; I yearn for my yesterdays filled with love and joy. I feel that to reclaim my yesterdays would be to overcome my feelings of hopelessness. My pain is measured by the love I have given and received  in my life; therefore I cannot begin to tell you the measure of the pain I feel. I find myself hoping that I have given a part of myself to each life I have touched; be it in words spoken or deeds done. I believe I have a purpose on this earth to fulfill and I ask God ......  “Have I fulfilled it”?  I feel not; I need more time. Then, into the darkness I grasp for strength and as with others before me, I am given a glimpse of  Hope as I realize ......  I have not begun to fight!

I know that my battle will be great! I ask that you be with me in my fight; you who I love so much. I ask that you be strong in my moments of weakness and above all, share my truths. I will fight with my very being! I will walk forward! I will pick up my light and lift it high; I will find my way through the darkness! I will fight with the strength of my memories; knowing that others share my journey..... knowing that others walk bravely by my side! My feet may not always carry me on the road I must take but I will not be defeated in the fall because ...... I will walk in the footsteps of HOPE!

When the day comes that I feel my walk will not have been in vain, I will have won the battle I will so desperately fight for! We will have found a cure!

                                                                                                    Millie P. Lorenz